Haibun 22

i didnt know what time it was

      from the song title by rodgers and hart

i am famous for not being famous. sometimes people will see me and ask who i am. how disappointed they are when they find out i am just me. i have been imagined to be a singer, a jazz musician, a really wealthy guy, a ball player, and a famous politician. once i told a guy that he had it wrong, and that i was tupac shakur. his look was priceless. but in my own life i am just a fast flickering star.

looking at my watch
northern lights
in the crystal

First published in Prune Juice!

Haibun 21

“two tears in a bucket, motherfuck it”*

*The words of Lady Chablis, in “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil”, a novel by John Berendt

I was born in Detroit, Michigan in the morning of April 21, 1946. It was a good day to be born, it was Easter Sunday. Hell, I was a Taurus on the cusp of Aries, and that date gave me twin flows from the heavens into all my karma. I know about karma because I was a hippie in the sixties and we studied it from little paperback books on astrology. They were one step above bubble gum cards in terms of content. So I was pretty sure it was all true, afterall did they ever mess up Mickey Mantle’s batting average? So I felt important, not everyone has two astrology signs to live up to for all their lives. Your birthday can’t be changed. Once it makes into the county birth records you own that day for the rest of your life, you have something to tie all the shit that happens to you to something outside of you. Hey, according to the astrologists it is more determinate than anything a tarot card reader can pin on you later, and a lot less temporal.

january night
stepping out into the stars
i become dark

A lot has happened in sixty eight years. It won’t all fit in a haibun for christ’s sake, but this much can. I have had bad days, and I think they all have to do with my astrological luck, or lack of it. I don’t have the normal rules, can’t shut down the way I feel. I cry if one of my animals dies, and their deaths haunt me decades later. Could I have done something? Did I do enough? I wonder how I can often seem too detached from the loss of a human friend or family member? Sometimes it seems too easy. I can replay every death in my family from the time I was a small child. They all hurt, I cried a lot, and for a man that can appear to others as being frail and vulnerable, but when I am done crying I own that death. I make it my own. It is the loss of my pets that hurts and lingers, and I don’t seem to able to let go of my guilt, manufactured or real. They wake me, like a tidal wave in a dream that drowns me in my own tears. I long for those dead animals more than for my own flesh and blood. I think that my hippie roots, and hindu mandalas have somehow tied all those furry children to me, and bound them to my sense of family. Yeah, I really believe that, you know? I really see that one day I might be a fuzzy creature, having not really done human that well, and I want their love as much, or more, than I do the love of any human.

early morning
a toy mouse becomes
my kittens karma

First published in Prune Juice!

Haibun 20

stirring my scotch with a nail

smoking a cigar i see the clouds forming and wonder to myself if anything i did caused that figure to form in the sky. what part of me is up there. does it matter. no i guess it does not. my little circle of smoke did not meet with cumulus clouds to form the eye in the sky. and yet i feel a tinge of pride. yes pride. maybe all i did was inspire that cloud. maybe all i did was wish that shape into the sky. but dammit i am part of it somehow. or so i believe. or so i believe.

drunk
passing through
nebraska
a gorilla
winks at me

First published in Prune Juice!

Haibun 19

Switzerland in Milwaukee

In the 70s I lived for awhile on Warren Avenue in Milwaukee,
Wisconsin, a half a block off the fabled Brady Street where all of us
hippies and radicals lived and worked at revolution and peace, in that
order. Bernadine Dohrn stayed in a house nearby when she was on
the lam, and we did not like that very much, or her for that matter.
Just the ‘rumor’ that she was there brought out the cops, and that
meant there was heat for all of us. On the other hand, we made
enough ‘noise’ of our own so that when I think about it now she just
zeroed out in the scheme of things. After all, the Black Panthers were
just a half a block down Warren, and two radical bookstores that were
run by Trotskyites, so all of that combined with open drug use, and
our flamboyant dress and old cars made us into ‘targets’ for the
police anyway.

On one end of Brady Street were the aforementioned hippies and
crazies, with candle and incense shops, and the psychedelic record
store and ‘head shop’ named ‘The 1812 Overture’; and on the other
side was the Italian neighborhood, complete with the ‘Trio Brothers
Pizza’, which was owned by three brothers who were said to be in the
Mafia. Sandwiched right between them on Brady Street was ‘Frankie
Tomasello’s Bar’. It was like the Switzerland of Brady Street. Frankie
was not a mob guy, just an Italian who inherited a bar. The bar itself
was long and made of wood, and looked like it came out of a western
movie. The booths, on the other hand, looked like they came out of a
hamburger joint and were sandwiched in too close to the bar. The
carpet was garish, and dirty, so Frankie kept the lights low, and
served generous drinks, so no one ever mentioned it. He was usually
alone, but on Friday and Saturday he had a cook and a waitress, both
of whom I always thought were Frankie’s relatives, but I can’t prove it,
and it never came up.

Back at the far end of Frankie’s, near the restroom, was an old
Seeburg jukebox. It lit up like a Christmas tree, and had NOTHING
but jazz selections. Most of it Bop, but lots of the oldies, too. It was
like, if you want country or rock or anything else just go elsewhere. If
Frankie had to tend bar for a living he was going to do it with Miles,
Dizzy, and the best of the jazz world to accompany him, and he fed
that juke from his tip box as much as any of us. My friends and I all
loved jazz, and so when we could afford a ‘night out’, it was off the
few blocks to Frankie’s we went. Both the Italians and the hippies
knew how to have a good time, and somehow it all worked. I never
heard of a fight, or a disagreement either, just peace, love, beer,
greasy burgers and JAZZ!

brubeck on the juke
the waitress brings my beer
in 5/4 time

First published in Prune Juice!

Haibun 13

zany as normal

I am watching a movie with Tilda Swinton playing a wonderful role. (I will not bore anyone with the name of the movie. It won’t help you with the haibun.) She is so quirky an artist, but that quirky nature is why I suspect I always ‘buy’ her characters. She is the female Johnny Depp. We all know some strange person with twitches with odd words and facial actions who are just ‘accepted’ because they are so unfailingly ‘real’. I press the ‘Record’ button so I can watch this movie again…

the way
my jokes
are only funny to me

First published in:  Prune Juice!