finding comfort in paradox

never understood god or the devil because you cant have one without the other can you. the wonder of humanity is that we have lasted this long what with our strong tendency to pick sides. the oppression of being part of something never occurred to me. i always wanted to be who i was and let the world kiss my ass if they did not like it. it seemed to some people that i just did not care. not true. but i get it. two sides. three sides. too many sides to count. dropping out seemed the only math that worked for me. IS 5 was my inspiration. two and two never should have been defined as a single answer and me neither. i was talking to a nice psychologist that i met the other day. i should write a book they said. and i thought at that moment that i really want to look up at the stars tonight. i sent a note to myself to remind me to do it. i am the punchline in the great cosmic joke….. and this nice person had no idea why i was laughing at the idea of a book. so that book will never be written.

grains of my mandala
become one 
poems in the wind

putting my kingdom up for sale

morning meditation. you wake up easy. not an idea in your head. you drink a little water and you find a cushion to sit on. this will be simple today you think to yourself. and then.

everything you ever thought about for the last hundred days flows to your mind. does not matter that is was perfect a minute ago.

it is a war fought moment to moment. and here i am sliding into abject failure. so it goes. so it goes. then a smile that buddha smiles fills my face. the war is one when a bluebird sings.

clear mist
i pour it
into an empty mind